Long & Short

To get started on writing as a topic, this first chapter concentrates on fundamentals: sentences and paragraphs, and how to make them work to best effect.

There are eight points covered in this chapter. You should allow two hours to work over it.

In this chapter, and the other four on writing, two examples are given for each point. The study time for each point should be about 15 minutes – this is not a page-turning airport novel. After the second example for each point, you'll see a request that you should work on it yourself, before scrolling down. We mean it! This manual relies on instructional material, and is not just a reference on style.

You will benefit greatly by copying out the example text into another tab, and trying to edit it yourself, before looking at the "Proposed solution". The solutions provided are not definitive – some matters are personal taste, anyway. They do illustrate points about writing, and it is easier to learn those points if you've done a few minutes hands-on work with the texts.

Here are the topics covered in this chapter:

• Divide a long sentence
• Divide and switch the parts around
• Combining two sentences
• Prose, not bullets
• The paragraph as a unit
• Short paragraphs
• Pronouns
• Monotony

Divide a long sentence

A basic idea to start with: a sentence can be too long. It packs too much in for the reader to understand. You can choose a way to split it apart.

Example

The French ambassador to Portugal, Jean Nicot, is largely credited with the widespread dissemination of knowledge surrounding the plant at the time in Europe and his name is ingrained in the scientific classification of the plant as its genus is "Nicotiana".

[Peer review – Tobacco]

Proposed solution

The genus name for tobacco is Nicotiana, after Jean Nicot. He was French ambassador to Portugal, credited with spreading knowledge of the plant in Europe during the 16th century.

Example

After reaching Mars, the MRO used the same aerobraking technique used in previous NASA missions which sent the spacecraft into an elliptical orbit, brushing across the top of the atmosphere creating the resistance needed to slow the craft into a more round orbit.

[From Peer review – Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (2005)]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

After reaching Mars, the MRO used the aerobraking technique applied in previous NASA missions. It sent the spacecraft into an elliptical orbit, brushing across the top of the atmosphere, and creating the resistance needed to slow the craft into a rounder orbit.

Divide and switch the parts around

Often the way ideas are expressed can be improved, by first dividing a sentence, and then swapping the two parts around. With just a little work, a new order can be found that seems more natural.

Example

Philanthrocapitalism refers to “the growing role for private sector actors in addressing the biggest social and environmental challenges facing the planet” [7], implying that more and more means in battling communal and ecological problems are granted by companies and citizens rather than through states.

[From Philanthrocapitalism.]

Proposed solution

Philanthrocapitalism refers to solutions for major communal and ecological problems that are resourced by companies and citizens, rather than through states. The term recognises “the growing role for private sector actors in addressing the biggest social and environmental challenges facing the planet”.[7]

Example

Today, tobacco has become a point of controversy as its ill health effects are well documented and it is listed by the World Health Organization as the world's most preventable cause of death. It is also the leading cause of lung cancer which has become the deadliest disease in the United States.

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

Tobacco’s health effects are now well documented. It is the leading cause of lung cancer, the deadliest disease in the United States. The World Health Organization lists tobacco as the world's most preventable cause of death.

[Peer review – Tobacco]

Combining two sentences

Making two sentences into one is a potentially quite simple operation, if it is done with a conjunction or by punctuation. It can also be a chance to move the narrative along.

Example

For the most part, Hawking had kept these symptoms to himself. But when his father took notice of the condition, he took Hawking to see a doctor.

Proposed solution

While Hawking rarely complained of symptoms, his father was concerned enough to take him to a doctor.

[Peer review – Stephen Hawking]

Example

However, from 1966 onwards he began to concentrate more on movies. Quickly, he established his versatility by appearing in all kinds of films.

[From Alan Arkin]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

Arkin concentrated on a varied film career from 1966, establishing his versatility.

Prose, not bullets

Bullets as a way to format a list have their place, but it is not to replace prose.

Example

• Susan studied at Gunn High School, located in Palo Alto, California. She was a brilliant writer and used to write for the school’s newspaper.
• In 1986, she enrolled at the Harvard University and completed her graduation in 1990 with a major in literature and history. Initially, she wanted to build a career in academics and hence wanted to obtain a PhD in economics. However, she changed her mind after coming across technology.
• She attended the University of California in Santa Cruz and obtained her master's degree in economics in the year 1993. She also earned a master's in Business Administration in 1998 from the UCLA Anderson School of Management.[1]

[From Susan Wojcicki, as taken from https://www.thefamouspeople.com/profiles/susan-wojcicki-34852.php\]

Proposed solution

Wojcicki studied at Gunn High School, in Palo Alto, California, where she wrote for the school newspaper. In 1986 she enrolled at Harvard University, and she graduated in 1990 with a major in literature and history. An encounter with technology changed her plan for an academic career in economics: A master's degree in economics from the University of California in Santa Cruz in 1993 was followed in 1998 by a master's in Business Administration from the UCLA Anderson School of Management.[1]

Example

• Hogan decided to partner up with his friend Ed Leslie (Brutus Beefcake) in a tag-team and joined Louie Tillet’s Alabama Territory. In Alabama they wrestled as the Boulder Brothers.
• They quit Tillet’s territory for the Continental Wrestling Association (CWA) in Memphis as the promoter, Jerry Jarrett, offered them $800 a week.
• Hogan won his first wrestling championship after defeating Bob Roop for the NWA Southeastern Heavyweight Championship in 1979.
• In 1979, Vincent McMahon gave him an opportunity to join WWF and in his first match he defeated Harry Valdez. His first big feud with Andre the Giant happened in 1980 in which Hogan was defeated.

[From Hulk Hogan. Based on https://www.thefamouspeople.com/profiles/hulk-hogan-1654.php\]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

Taking as tag-team partner his friend Ed Leslie (Brutus Beefcake), Hogan joined Louie Tillet’s Alabama Territory. In Alabama they wrestled as the Boulder Brothers. They left Tillet for the Continental Wrestling Association (CWA) in Memphis when the promoter, Jerry Jarrett, offered them $800 a week.

Hogan won his first wrestling championship after defeating Bob Roop for the NWA Southeastern Heavyweight Championship in 1979. That year, Vincent McMahon gave him an opportunity to join WWF and in his first match he defeated Harry Valdez. His first major feud with Andre the Giant happened in 1980: Hogan was defeated.

The paragraph as a unit

There can be reasons to split a paragraph into two. On other occasions, two paragraphs can read better if they are merged into one.

You have to think of the paragraphs as roughly sorting the content of an article. Sorting is a big deal: related material often should be brought together.

Example

Teddy Afro’s music combines reggae rhythms with traditional Ethiopian music. He sings in Amharaic. He has been particularly influenced by Tilahun Gessesse and Bob Marley. His lyrics are often about freedom, emancipation, and tyranny. They are widely interpreted to be indirect criticisms of the Ethiopian government. A number of Teddy Afro’s songs glorify Ethiopia’s past and especially the last Ethiopian kings, Haile Selassie and Menelik II.

[From Peer review – Teddy Afro]

Proposed solution

Teddy Afro sings in Amharic, and his music combines reggae rhythms with traditional Ethiopian music. He has been particularly influenced by Tilahun Gessesse and Bob Marley.

A number of Teddy Afro’s songs glorify Ethiopia’s past, and his lyrics are often about freedom, emancipation, and tyranny. They are widely interpreted as indirect criticisms of the current Ethiopian government. He references especially the last Ethiopian kings, Haile Selassie and Menelik II.

Example (make into a single paragraph)

Poker is a game of skill, where players besides getting fun hope to win money by beating their rivals. In poker, the winnings are measured by a ratio called winrate, the winrate is presented as blinds per 100 hands (bb/100), wich means how many blinds a player can win for every 100 hands he plays. In the long run, poker winnings are about small edges, and if rake is too high, even the best players would lose money on the long run, and the poker room would be the only winner at the end.

This is why a low rake enviroment is important to keep the poker ecosystem working, as players are incentivated to play the game. When playing live poker, it is important to pay attention to the rake structures too, as changes can be very wild and some Casinos can have almost unbeatable rake structures, making the chances of winning in the long run null.

[From Peer review – Rake (Poker)]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

In the long run, poker winnings are about small edges, and if the rake is too high, even the best players lose money. A low rake environment is an incentive for players. Your winnings depend on the winrate (what proportion of blinds you win) but also on the rake structure. If a casino structures the rake for too much profit, the odds against a player coming out ahead in the long run become steep.

Short paragraphs

There can also be reasons to create paragraphs with just one sentence. In fact newspapers often use paragraphs of single, longish sentences. That style may suit those who are reading print in narrow columns. In an encyclopedia, on the other hand, single sentences standing alone are making some kind of declaration, such as giving a bare fact. More often the single-sentence paragraph should have the support of further material.

Example

The last important network indicator of a project is the number of forks.

This is key to how GitHub works, as a fork is the base of a Pull Request (PR), which is a change proposal. A person may fork your repository, make some changes, and then create a pull request to ask you to merge those changes.

Sometimes the person that forks a repository may never ask you to merge anything. They may fork your repository just because they liked your code and decided to add something on top of it which they don’t want to merge back into the original repository. A user may also fix a bug they were experiencing which was specific to them.

[From GitHub]

Proposed solution

A final important network indicator is the number of forks, and it is a key to GitHub activity. A fork is the basis of a Pull Request (PR), i.e a change proposal. Someone may fork your repository, make some changes, and then create a pull request to ask you to merge those changes. It may in fact go a number of ways. The merge request may not come: the person who forked the repository may have done so simply to add something on top of it. A user may find and later fix a bug they were experiencing, which was specific to them.

Example

The taste of coffee varies enormously due to the complexity of the coffee bean, containing over 1000 chemical aroma compounds once roasted[3]. The composition and existence of these compounds are affected by coffee variety (with more compounds present in Arabica), the altitude, climate, and soils as the fruit grows; through to the way the coffee is dried and roasted.

It is also greatly affected by the ripeness when harvested and defects present (such as insect and fungus attack). Specialty coffees can vary greatly in their individual flavor profiles but share qualities of being harvested at the right time (when perfectly ripe), few or no defects in the coffee bean and a well-balanced flavor composition.

Specialty coffee is not limited by bean variety, however, almost only Arabica coffee beans are used in the specialty coffee industry as very few Robusta varieties achieve a score of 80 or above[4].

[From Specialty coffee]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

The flavor of coffee varies widely, given that the roasted coffee bean contains over 1000 aromatic compounds.[3] Specialty coffee is not restricted by bean variety, but Arabica beans are used almost exclusively in the specialty coffee industry, since few Robusta varieties achieve a score of 80 or above.[4] More aromatic compounds are present in Arabica.

Other factors affecting the aroma are altitude, climate, and soil for the growing; and the way the coffee is dried and roasted. Time of harvest matters, and negatives such as insect and fungus attack. Specialty coffees have in common being harvested when just ripe, few defects and a well-balanced flavor.

Pronouns

What is the proper use of the pronouns, especially “he”, “she”, “it” and “they”? The upside of a pronoun, its essential use you could say, is that it removes the need to repeat a name over and over again. On the other side of the argument, it can be unclear. The person to which “he” refers back - by what is called anaphora - may be not be obvious, even if it can be worked out.

At the paragraph level, using someone's name (for example, surname) is typically done once, and early on. By the way, an old habit of referring by surname just for men is now obsolete, at least for reference material. Women certainly may change surname, but referring to them by forename only, systematically, is the kind of double standard that now looks old-fashioned.

Example

Mitchell was drafted by the Denver Nuggets with the 13th overall pick in the 2017 NBA draft only to be traded to the Utah Jazz for the 24th pick (Tyler Lydon) and Trey Lyles. On July 5, 2017, Mitchell signed a four year rookie scale contract with the Jazz. On July 11th, 2017, Mitchell signed a multi year shoe deal with Adidas. Later that day, Mitchell scored 37 points against the Memphis Grizzlies in the 2017 NBA Summer League in Las Vegas, the most by any player during the 2017 NBA Summer League.

[From Donovan ("Spida") Mitchell]

Proposed solution

Mitchell was drafted by the Denver Nuggets with the 13th overall pick in the 2017 NBA draft, only to be traded to the Utah Jazz for the 24th pick (Tyler Lydon) and Trey Lyles. On July 5, 2017, he signed a four year rookie scale contract with them, and on July 11 he signed a multi-year shoe deal with Adidas. Later that day, he scored 37 points against the Memphis Grizzlies in the 2017 NBA Summer League in Las Vegas, the most by any player during the 2017 NBA Summer League.

Example

In 2004, she played the role of Flor Moreno in the movie ‘Spanglish’. After this, she got the opportunity to act in the independent film ‘10 Items or Less’. The Spanish artiste then did the neo-noir superhero movie ‘The Spirit’ in 2008. Two years later, she was cast as Antonella D'Agostino for the Italian crime flick ‘Angel of Evil’. She then appeared in the American comedy TV series ‘Big Time in Hollywood, FL’ in 2015. The following year, she acted in the mystery drama ‘The OA’.

[From Paz Vega]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

Film roles for Vega were Flor Morena in the 2004 film ‘Spanglish’, followed by the independent film ‘10 Items or Less’, and ‘The Spirit’ of 2008 in the neo-noir superhero genre. After Antonella D'Agostino for the Italian crime flick ‘Angel of Evil’, in 2010, her career picked up again in 2015 with the American comedy TV series ‘Big Time in Hollywood, FL’ in 2015, followed by mystery drama ‘The OA’ in 2016.

Comment: "Flick" is a colloquial term for a film, as in fact is "movie". Using it here gives a little spice to the factual writing. Would "movie" do the same? No. The New York Times review of this gangster film spoke of "sleazy charm", so "flick" does well. An example of using a colorful term judiciously.

Monotony

A series of paragraphs all starting with the same word looks monotonous on the page, just as it would sound if read aloud. You can usually fix this issue with a small tweak in wording.

Example

Horowitz was born to a Jewish family in Kiev or Berdichev in 1903. The sources are in disagreement about this. [1] Horowitz’s father later listed his year of birth as 1904 in order to make him appear too young for the army. His mother was a skilled pianist and gave him his first piano lessons.

Horowitz joined the Kiev Conservatory in 1912. He studied under Felix Blumenfeld, Sergei Tarnowsky, and Vladimir Puchalsky. He graduated in 1919, performing Rachmaninoff’s third piano concerto at his graduation.

Horowitz embarked upon his career as a professional pianist, giving his first solo concert in 1920. He toured Russia extensively and performed many concerts, often being paid with food instead of money due to the country’s poverty. In 1922, he gave 15 concerts in Kha[r]kov in exchange for food and clothing. From 1926 onwards, he debuted in Berlin, Paris, London, and New York.

[From Peer review – Vladimir Horowitz]

Proposed solution

Change the first sentence of the second paragraph to: “In 1912, Horowitz joined the Kiev Conservatory.“

Example

Arkin has appeared in guest roles in other television series such as ‘Boston Legal’, ‘Baby Bob’, ‘Monk’, ‘Frasier’, and ‘8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter’.

Arkin is very popular for his roles in the movies ‘H20: 20 Years Later’ and ‘Hitch’, which released in the years 1998 and 2005 respectively.

Arkin has turned into a director recently. He has directed several episodes of the TV shows ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, ‘Boston Legal’, ‘The Riches’, ‘The Dirt’, ‘Ally McBeal’, ‘Sons of Anarchy’, and ‘Masters of Sex’.

Arkin has dubbed his voice for shows such as ‘Star Wars, A New Hope’, ‘The Voyage of The Corps of Discovery’, and ‘The National Parks’. ‘The National Parks’ series also went on to win an Emmy award.

[From Adam Arkin]

Please work out your proposed solution for the example just given, before scrolling down further!

Proposed solution

Arkin has appeared in guest roles in other television series such as ‘Boston Legal’, ‘Baby Bob’, ‘Monk’, ‘Frasier’, and ‘8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter’. He gained popularity for his parts in the movies ‘H20: 20 Years Later’ and ‘Hitch’, which released in the years 1998 and 2005 respectively.

In other lines of work, Arkin is a director and voice actor. He has directed episodes of the TV shows ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, ‘Boston Legal’, ‘The Riches’, ‘The Dirt’, ‘Ally McBeal’, ‘Sons of Anarchy’, and ‘Masters of Sex’. He has dubbed his voice for shows such as ‘Star Wars, A New Hope’, ‘The Voyage of The Corps of Discovery’, and ‘The National Parks’.